More electrifying than the first! Movie review Crank 2 : High Voltage (2009)

If you liked Crank, you will love Crank 2 or Crank: High Voltage!

Yes people, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor have made my favourite movie even better and now its even electrifying-ly funny(pun intended!).

The movie is Rated R for frenetic strong bloody violence throughout, crude and graphic sexual content, nudity and pervasive language.

The movie is produced by Lakeshore Entertainment and Lionsgate (Lionsgate is the same company that produced the SAW movie series! Exciting bunch of people they are!)

Cast

Jason Statham is Chev Chelios, this time he loses his heart! (not figuratively, but literally!) [Check out the pic]

Dwight Yoakam is Doc Miles, who still has massages from nude ladies and has “Chocolate” for his receptionist. (Any guesses as to why she is called Chocolate?)

Amy Smart is Eve – still blond, but now smarter (lives up to her name, eh!) and savvier (she now has an iPhone) Did I mention she is a stripper?
Corey Haim is Randy - Randy is a pimp, ladies n gentlemen!
[You can see Eve tossing Randy on a car in the pic]

Efren Ramirez is Venus - he is Kaylo’s twin brother – also gay with FBT – Full body turrets!

Reno Wilson is Orlando (Again, I forgot who he was… He must still be unimportant!)

Keone Young is Don Kim - a syndicate leader

Art Hsu is Johnny Vang - A guy who is carrying Chev’s heart in a ice box! (yep, seriously!)

Ling Bai is Ria – a prostitute saved by Chev who is now smitten by him [Pic on right]

David Carradine is Poon Dong - A 100+ year old mafia honcho who wants Chev’s heart and other “well endowed” body parts to keep living his racy lifestyle!

Billy Unger is Young Chev - Watch out for the talk show part in the movie. Its too funny!
Jamie Harris is Talk Show Host and Geri Halliwell is his mom.

Joseph Julian Soria is Chico - A gang .. oh well, see the freaking poster on the left.. lol!

The plot is once again, super simple - Crank 2 starts where Crank left off – Chev falls from a chopper, bounces off a car and lands splat on the street! Before the medics can get to him, he is scooped off the streets (literally with a shovel!). Having survived a deadly Chinese poison – the Beijing cocktail, the gangs want him for his body parts, starting with his heart. So they cut him open n take it and replace it with an artificial 4 chambered battery powered one! (Seen on the left. PS: The heart used in the movie is an actual artificial heart!)

Unfortunately, the heart is designed to sustain the person and is not meant for vigorous, stressful activities! And if you know Chev’s lifestyle from Crank, its anything but peaceful! The external battery sustaining the heart is ruined in 10 minutes of him getting it. The internal power only lasts for a short time before the 4 chambered plastic pump would stop. Chev has to keep him self electrically charged by any means necessary to stay alive! The premise has now been set for a lot of weird, shocking, funny moments in the movie!
Oh yes, he also has to retrieve his original heart that has been implanted in Poon Dong after killing a bunch of people while trying to stay alive! no problem at all.. lol!

Like its predecessor, this movie too has its share of unrealistic moments and pushes the ‘reality’ envelope a lot many times! People who have not watched Crank and who do not know what to expect will find asking themselves “What? How is that possible?”. But for the fans of Crank, its all good! Why you ask?

Because this is Crank 2! People going to watch this movie would expect to see something shocking (another attempt at pun), violent, crass and outrageous! They would expect the “in-your-face” outrageous-ness! Without showing these things, the movie would not be fit enough to bear the title of Crank!

********** Warning! Spoilers ahead!!!!!! **********

Here are a few reasons why you should watch this movie!
1. It has Jason Statham in it! The guy simply knows how to entertain! I like his sarcastic dry wit displayed throughout the movie!
2. Random violence!
3. Random nudity!
4. Boob busting moments – A stripper gets shot in the tits and the silicone oozes out of her boobs! Excellent premise for Crank 2 the video game for ones with a twitchy trigger finger!

5. A sex scene on a race track where Eve ‘rubs’ against Chev to generate static electricity to keep his heart pumping while he is pumping her and a horse jumps over the pair in heat! (How freaking cool is that!) I was LMAO in the movie with the others viewers! (A semi drunk girl even shouted “oh yeah” in the audience! lol)

6. The violence is so big, the directors had to resort to clay-like animation to depict it! It was so freaking cool for me coz it reminded me of the 60′s tv show for kids called Giant Robot (It was aired in the 80′s on good ol‘ DoorDarshan!)

7. It has bare chested men of all sizes – tattooed, fat, fit, scrawny, muscular! take your pick and ogle away ladies! (don’t miss the tongue and nipple clamp on Chev on yer right)

8. The titles are in retro-cool 8-bit graphics!

9. There are 2 heart surgeries shown in the movie! A must see for every self respecting wanna be heart surgeon

10. It depicts a strike by porn stars. The banners n chants are hilarious!

11. Its a Jason Statham movie and its Crank! Satisfaction guaranteed baby! ‘Nuff said!

Watch it and have some cheap thrills and lots of racy, violent, electrifying action! Its a pretty cool movie!

6.5/10 for regular viewers

7/10 for action movie fans

7.5/10 for ones with a quirky sense of humor

8/10 for fans of the series!

Action packed adrenaline pumping movie !! Movie Review: Crank (2006)

When the movie is “Rated R for strong violence, pervasive language, sexuality, nudity and drug use”, the audience is pretty much forewarned that this movie is not a family drama, right? So whats the point in trying to write a clean revu of a dirty movie. Here is your warning then….

Warning ! This revu is only for adults. It contains crude language along with references to drug use If you cannot handle foul language, better stop reading right now – no sh!t !!

“Crank” is a smelly, yellow form of “meth” that is usually snorted. However, this review is about the movie by the same name and not about the crude form of “crystal meth” used for addiction and for getting high. For news on crystal meth see – http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/drugs/crystalmeth.html

Cast
Jason Statham … plays Chev Chelios, a professional assassin who gets poisoned and has to keep himself pumped with adrenaline to stay alive

Amy Smart … plays “Eve“, a dumb blond bimbo who is slow in getting things in perspective but good for sex !

Jose Pablo Cantillo … plays Ricky Verona, a rival of Chev Chelios

Efren Ramirez … plays Kaylo, a gay-funny-filler-type character in the movie

Dwight Yoakam … plays Doc Miles, a smart resourceful doctor who fixes up Crazy Chev and likes getting massages from nude ladies

Carlos Sanz … plays Carlito, a two timing syndicate leader who deals in drugs, guns and prostitution

Reno Wilson … plays Orlando (I forget who the hell he was…. must be unimportant… )

Edi Gathegi … plays an Haitian Cabbie driver who gives Chev some Haitian drug made from plants (he refers to Chev as a crack-head and calls the drug “Haitian plant sh*t”…. LOL)

Keone Young … plays Don Kim, another syndicate leader and a rival of Carlito whom Chev is supposed to kill

Valarie Rae Miller … plays “Chocolate” (yeah.. that’s her name). She is Doc Miles’ assistant cum receptionist (pun intended) and is unscrupulous

Yousuf Azami … plays an Arab Cabbie (he has a scene involving a reference to Al-Quaida that happens so suddenly, its funny)

Written and directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, Produced by – Lakeshore Entertainment, Lions Gate Films, Radical Media and GreeneStreet Films; Crank is a bad-a$$ action packed adrenaline pumping funny movie that will get you high !!

In the plot, the lead character gets poisoned with a Chinese drug called “the Beijing cocktail” that has no antidote. The drug is inhibiting the absorption of adrenaline in his body eventually shutting down his heart and killing him. To stay alive, he has to keep himself pumped with adrenaline. This leads to a series of crazy events as the protagonist tries various means to stay pumped up while trying to stay focused at the same time and extract vengeance on the people who have poisoned him. While this is certainly not a whodunit, I’ll still only say this much about the plot as you’ll want to see and enjoy the rest yourself.

The plot is slick and simple ! No need to use too much brains… This is a movie that you can just sit back and enjoy. However, its not brainless either – It has repeat value !! I have seen it multiple times and it has managed to keep me in splits each time !! That’s how a good action movie should be. It should keep you well entertained amidst all the violence and Crank does just that and does it beautifully !! There is not dull moment in the movie. Once you get into its groove and move along, the thrill ride it’ll take you to is spectacular !!

I liked the movie as i’m a fan of Jason Statham. He is like our own Sanjay Dutt (an actor from India) – A cool bad a$$ who is like able !! His movies are crazy, but they are guaranteed not to bore you and the action is cool, humor is dry and sarcastic and the dialogues are even cooler. You will be entertained… period !! Fultoo paisa vasool !!

The movie has its share of goofs and some are very obvious. The lead character gets shot, but is later seen walking normally. While falling from a chopper, he has enough time to call his GF and leave her a message on the answering machine … (yeah right !!) Point is – This is not a technically perfect movie and you have to take some scenes with a grain of salt. Although existent, the goofs are few and far in between and I still recommend the movie in spite of these goof-ups.

Top 10 reasons why should you watch this movie ?==============================================================
1. There is a car driven thru a shopping mall that winds up sideways on an escalator.
2. There is a sex scene where the protagonist screws his literally Blond girl-friend in a china town with a bunch of teenage school girls watching and cheering him on !
3. There is a lot of drug use in the movie.
4. It has a Nokia phone in it with a really cool ring tone that generally wakes up the lead character after he has passed out while doing his many crazy antics in the movie.
5. It has a lot of gun action and a couple of cool car chase scene.
6. It has 2 hand chopping scenes and one scene where a sewing machine is used on a hand – Tatopoulos Studios has done the special effects just for these two scenes.[note: one of the hand chopping scenes is actually very funny - After chopping the hand from the arm, Chevy tells his side kick - a f@g - "Wanna hold hands ?" and throws the chopped hand at him - Now you tell me people -- to be able to make a joke like that when you are dying - isn't that funny and cool... !!]
7. If you can handle crude language and drug abuse, along with the start to end action, the movie is interspersed with a lot of humor for the audience.
8. If you want to learn how to steal a bike from a cop at a traffic light !
9. If you want to have some cheap but cool fun
10. If you are a Jason Statham fan. Though I must warn you, if you are not, there is a good chance you might become one after watching this movie

Question- Why are you still reading the fcuking revu, punk !! Get your b#tt to the store, pop the dvd and get your adrenaline pumping, but do it after leaving a comment else you’ll get a bullet in your a$$… punk !! – The movie is full of such dialogues n lingo.

Fist published here by me.

Lives upto its name – Maruti Suzuki Swift ZXi Review (2006)

The swift is a marvel of Japanese Engineering, European styling and Indian Manufacturing!

~ How did I choose? ~

It was It was difficult to buy a car from overseas – but it could be done, I said to myself. I started by calling some friends and checking reviews on Mouthshut. Having owned an Esteem, choice was to just buy a sedan for their sheer handling. But dad said no! With his age, getting in and out of sedans was a problem for him. A jeep or a minivan was out of the question in Bombay. So the only option was a hatchback! I primarily dislike all hatchbacks in India for their high centre of gravity. You see, I like to speed and a high CoG can be a little problem… Diesel vehicles were out too as the travel is not more then 1500 km/month.

I dislike Hyundai bcoz their cars look good on initial value, but maintenance costs are higher and they get you on spares – said my mechanic and also neighbour who owns one. I said to myself, let me just get an Indica and be done with it – sasta, tikau and patriotic too My gf’s brother had just got his Xeta and even she suggested it to me. I booked one!! However, having sat in one earlier, I knew it was not the car for me. I want performance and good looks too !! A quick family vote and out came the results – dad didn’t want to go for a petrol Indica, His words “Petrol car should be a Maruti” – Also found sis and mom didn’t like Indica. Out goes the Xeta and the booking was cancelled. The Zen Estilo is ugly and looks cramped; Wagon R feels unsafe above 80 KMPH. The popular choice by elimination was Swift, which was my preference too in the first place!! It also had a few extra BHPs over the Xeta. It’s just a testosterone thing ladies

A quick look on safety features and the natural choice was the top end model – ZXi – why settle for less!. It has a plethora of features that enhance safety and also includes air bags. Did you know air bags are not even an option on any of the Tata vehicles? Simply appalling! The colour once again was settled by a quick vote and the winner was “Red” – mom’s choice. A few calls around the city and the car was found. Comment from gf – “I knew you would go for Swift” *how wicked* !

I liked the car the moment I saw it. With its contemporary European design, it looks so inviting, almost begging me to get behind the wheel. The features are great and the seats are a delight!! Before buying, I had thought of putting in sportier seats in my next car, but the OEM seats are already comfy and sporty too…. I loved them!! Points to Maruti for not cutting corners here!!

The Electronic Power Steering is superb. The wheel feels like guiding a butterfly – effortless and it makes city driving a breeze!! The engine is super and is nicely mated with the gearbox. The car has a sturdy feel to it. The quality of interiors is also very good. Once you get in, the vehicle seems to wrap around you and isolates you from the outside world. I like the fact that it has small windows and an even smaller rear windscreen (with a wiper too). I read in some reviews people have complained about not being able to see while backing up, but it’s a plus for me as I love privacy!!

For me, not having electronic side mirrors or a factory fitted sunroof was a bigger negative. What I agree with the other reviewers is the nagging rattling from the left front door. Why are so many people complaining about these rattles from new cars – MARUTI LISTENING? Fix it guys!!

Other than this – I have nothing to complaint about and I’m very picky when it comes to cars. Ask the dealer I bought the car from. I kept them on their toes because of the poor customer service they gave me.

Why should you go for ZXi? Here are some reasons – It has an auto climate control, wider tyres and the ZXi label on it! Besides offering you a superior ride and handling, people notice it Not enough ? Here are some more experiences.

~ It can avoid you an accident ~

Pls see comments section on how ABS and EBD in the Swift and some quick thinking on my part, a cyclist and a cabbie save the day! {Posted at the end}

~~~ ZXi with ABS and EBD is the way to go ~~~~

It can render your girlfriend speechless ~

I was on my drive to Pune and having been on the expressway twice in 3 days already, I knew the road pretty well by now. It was on my 3rd run that – if I may use such a reference – I really “found” the car! The gf was talking n talking about something that was quite trivial to me and I was enjoying the drive at 120kmph. Seeing a traffic-free road ahead, I floored the pedal – talking was still on – reached 150 – talking was still on – reached 160 – talking was still on – reached 165 (my previous best on the expressway!)… I was really excited now.. the excitement however was misunderstood for interest and talking increased – reached 170… 175… 180… 185 .. I stayed there for about 10 seconds and I knew we were maxxed out – nirvana was attained – I was one with my swift! If the swift were an airplane – I was maverick – I was supersonic baby!!

I pointed the speedometer to my gf and it may sound ironic, but the speed put the brakes on her incessant rambling and rendered her speechless. I was thinking – I’m glad I have a witness. When we reached saner speeds, I planted a kiss on my Swift – I could sense a twinge of jealousy from the passenger seat – It was a “sweeeeet” drive!! You know the money is well spent if the drive makes you feel so good!!

Point to note is – the car was so stable even at high speeds as it was not noticed by her till I pointed out the speedometer!!

~~~ ZXi with its wider tyres, quite ride and stability is the way to go ~~~

~ Engine ~

The 1.3L 16V 32bit Hypertec engine produces 87 bhp and torque band starts from a low 1500 RPM range and stays flat till 5500 RPM – very good for city driving as it minimises gear changes. Being all Aluminium, its lighter, it has better cooling ability and a better acceleration then the Getz.

Mileage – 10-16 KMPL with AC. +0.5-1 without.

~ Award Winning Drive ~

Look at the number of awards won by the car. It has won car of the year awards in 9 countries, the 10th one being India!! http://www.marutiswift.com/awards_inter.aspx – With all these awards backing your purchase, you are surely driving a winner!!

While on the website, done forget to check out the “Super 6 advantage” and the “Evolution links” that describe the Swift’s birth from a motorcycle to a concept vehicle to a stylish passenger vehicle that retains the “Gotta have it” flavour of the concepts. You can also check out the complete specs of the cars and models and prices on the site.

Thanks to Maruti Suzuki for bringing a truly international quality product to India !!

Hope you enjoyed the drive – let me know your thoughts

!! Spike !!

The incident !

It was night and the headlights were quite ineffective in what lay ahead due to the ambient light and the incessant Bombay rain. As I approach the narrowest portion where the car will just fit in the gap b/w the barrier and the taxi, I see a cyclist spring up in between the left headlight and the centre of the hood about 15 feet in front of me. I must be doing 45-55 kmph. I hit the brakes to avoid hitting him, but there are loose stones and gravel on the road so the car skids. The ABS kicks in and it stops the wheels from locking up – Its a situation when the ABS can somewhat be your nemesis….. I hit upon the realisation that the car was not going to stop or even slow down….. I made a decision that its better to hit the taxi than the cyclist as it will not cause human harm. It is at this time that I thought of a gamble…. I can turn the wheel!! If I cannot stop, it will make me slide on the gravel with the wheels not pointed straight and this will slow me down…. So I turn to my right – to hit the right side of my Swift to the left side of the taxi…. and I start the slide – This causes 4 things to happen –

1) gravel and stones start flying to the left

2) the car starts to turn slightly right unwilling

3) I slow down a bit and buy me more time

4) the cyclist – who I could now see was a bhaiyya on a black Hero ’doodhwala / tiffin-carrier’ cycle with hooks on the back carrier. – He hears and maybe even feels the stones on the cycle and immediately swerves to the left as the barrier curves making the lane wider.

It was this move on his part that relaxed my heartbeat a little as the worst possibility of hitting and injuring a person was out of the way.

This gave me more time and space to deal with the reluctant right hand turn into the taxi.

I now turned the wheel to my left to try and straighten the car and shift from 3rd to 2nd gear to apply engine braking and this causes me to slow down further and to send a slew of gravel and stones flying into the side of the taxi. This makes quite a sound that even I can hear with closed windows. The taxi driver, with his slightly open windows, would have had a much more pronounced sound effect and he swerves a little to the right giving me room to move ahead. My right foot is off the brake and pat on the gas – I zip thru the melee – unscathed!!

Welcome to Bombay

~~~ ZXi with ABS and EBD is the way to go ~~~

PS: The original article written by me is here.

Movie Review – Slumdog Millionaire

When life is portrayed realistically on celluloid and captured in its raw, unadulterated form, one gets a beautifully surreal movie like Slumdog Millionaire. I saw this movie when a friend at work – we share similar tastes in movies – could not stop raving about it! He is an American who has visited Bombay and has seen the poverty there. Another recommendation came when I was watching a show on the telly and the Razzie recommendations were being dished out (for the curious cats, Paris Hilton’s The hottie and the nottie topped the list of that recco!). It was during that segment that the anchor mentioned that Slumdog Millionaire is a must see movie! It was settled then!

Note – the story will not be revealed in the review. Read to your heart’s content!

Simply speaking, the movie captures the story of two slum-kids and how they make lemonade when life throws lemons at them. Only, the movie captures it brilliantly! I cannot help but compare the movie with a classic heart touching movie – Children of Heaven by Majid Majidi! (Yes, Slumdog is really that good) It is also made like a documentary – meaning, the realities of life are not sugar-coated to make it easy for the audience to swallow the movie. In fact, it is this unadulteration that makes the movie a must-see for anyone interested in knowing the real Bombay!

Having grown up in the city of Bombay and travelled across the country, I can vouch for the authenticity of the scenes shown in the movie. The plot of the movie itself was quite in-genuine and most of the movie is a flashback. A tea-seller from Bombay has his shot at becoming super-rich overnight when he is 1 question away from winning the Indian version of Millionaire. He is suspected of cheating as he has reached that point in the show by answering national and international questions with ease. He also plays with the show-host’s ego when he steals the show from him with his dry-witty-straight-from-the-gut replies to verbal insults from the show’s host (played by Anil Kapoor). The show ends for the day when Jamaal (played by Dev Patel), suspected of cheating is taken in by the police for questioning. The movie is a narration of his life story to the inspector (Irrfan Khan) and the hawaldaar (Saurabh Shukla).

The movie shows how Jamaal and his brother grow up being poor Muslim kids in the city of Bombay (I hate the name Mumbai). They are typical slum-kids who enjoy the simple pleasures of life and learn everything about life from the best teacher there is, life itself! The movie shows various phases in Jamaal’s life – each phase being a new chapter in the story of Jamaal’s life that are interlaced by the questions on the TV show. While all the chapters are written in flashback, the final chapter cuts to the present and the story unfolds to bring us to the climax of the movie. Each chapter unveils a new twist in the plot, teaches the character of the movie a new lesson in life and leaves the viewer glued to the seat, with ever-growing suspense. (If anyone told you that art-movies are boring, Slumdog Millionaire surely breaks that perception!)

Having given us movies like Trainspotting, The beach, 28 days later, Director Danny Boyle gives us yet another masterpiece – perhaps his best till date. The movie is also co-directed by Loveleen Tandon who has worked on contemporary art-movies like Monsoon Wedding, Vanity Fair, Earth and The Namesake. Loveleen has ensured that the movie retains its Indian authenticity in each scene.

After watching the movie, I was discussing it with my American friend and that led to many interesting observations about life. The movie reminds us of the adversity faced by Billions of people in developing countries like India and Africa – while the privileged few lead a sheltered life and take many things for granted. The conclusion of our discussion was that richness and poverty is a relative thing – you consider yourself rich or poor depending on where you hail from – not very profound, but worth mentioning none-the-less as the conclusion was achieved in 5 minutes while sitting in the confines of the office and without the aid of any ‘truth-serums’ (read alcohol)!

Slumdog Millionaire is a wonderful movie that shows the harsh realities of life while telling a lovely, romantic, wise tale os the struggles and triumphs of Jamal! The acting in the movie is top-notch as is the direction, screenplay, music, editing – the best part of the movie would be the screenplay and direction! I wanted to pick the story, but a bad screenplay and bad direction can easily ruin a good story.

Conclusion – In case you are still in any doubt, let me re-iterate! GO WATCH IT! You will love it for its realism. The movie has a rating of 8.7/10 on IMDB. I give it 10/10 as it portrays the true and real Bombay on the big screen in a surreal way! Love it, Love it, Love it!